instead of surrendering to and accepting the feeling, i continue to bump up against it and fight it. pushing it away, only to have it bombard me again moments later. that, in and of itself, is exhausting. i must admit, i’m not new to this cycle of events – when i was younger and dissatisfied with the size and shape of my body, i would diet and force my body into a battle against itself. instead of trying to work with my hunger, i fought it. and fighting, especially when it’s with yourself, takes you in circles.
my mom says “if you want to keep on gettin’ what your gettin’, keep on doin’ what you’re doin’” – i.e. if i want this lack-of-motivation spell to end, i have to change the way in which i’m dealing with it. easier said than done…
but let’s give it a go, anyway. so, with that thought in mind, what could i do differently to change my current reality? well, instead of pushing myself to my limits, i could honor the fact that i might need a break, and…take a break! (a novel concept, i know.) or, instead of continually thinking, “what’s wrong with me? why don’t i want to do anything? why do i feel like things are at a standstill?”, i could work to silence that inner critic with a deep breathing and mindfulness. and perhaps, in the quiet, motivation or a new idea or peace of mind could creep in. and honestly, just writing this post is making me feel better, so i guess just writing about it – and sharing my feelings with others – is helpful, too.
as a culture, we’ve been taught to fight against unpleasant emotion, because we are a nation of doers not experiencers. instead of surrendering to the feeling, and letting it wash over us like a wave that will eventually ebb, we prepare for battle, thinking if we set up enough barricades we can stop the wave in its tracks…which never happens. what if, instead of always doing more we felt more. and instead of judging our emotions and feelings, we got curious about them and tried to look at them in a more objective way. perhaps, we would discover that they are not something to be fought, but rather a lesson waiting to be embraced.
i feel better already….
what emotion do you continually fight?
what would it be like to just sit with it, without pushing it away?